


A Madmans Soliloquy

by lionsuicide



Series: A MadMans Soliloquy [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Darkness, Lucain - Freeform, M/M, inner monologue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-24 16:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14358873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionsuicide/pseuds/lionsuicide
Summary: A bang echos off the walls, the sound loud in the room.Absolute quiet accompanies the resulting shot.Smoke trails after the bullet and up into the air, spiraling around the nozzle of the gun, it seemed playful in way.He falls to his knees, a look of shock on his face.Their eyes trail down to his chest where blood is rushing to the surface and soaking his shirt.In a matter of seconds you could barely tell what color his shirt had been.He coughs up a bit of blood.He smiles just a bit as he looks at the other.“I love you.”His body falls face forward to the ground.“Oh god what have I done?”





	1. My Hero, My Savior

_ Drip _

_... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _ Drip _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _ Drip _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _ Drip _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
  
_

The sound of dripping greets my ears.    
  
_ Drip _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _ Drip _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_ _... _ _   
_   
My eyes blink open slowly.    
So slowly.    
I do not have the energy to open them full mass so I leave them only half way up.    
  
I can’t see anything. I am surrounded, blanketed by darkness.    
  
Something in my head tells me to be alarmed but I can’t find it in myself to put in the effort it will take to freak out.    
  
For a split second, or maybe more, I think I am blind.    
  
I use some energy and turn my head slightly to my left.    
  
Darkness.    
  
I use more energy to turn my head to the left.    
  
More darkness.   
  
No...wait... just above my head is a strange black screen different than the rest of the blackness I see.    
It has line going across it. The line goes up and down in a constant, steady stream.   
  


I focus as hard as I can. I zone out the dripping water and I hear a faint but somehow still loud sound.    
  
**_Beep…._ **

**_Beep.…_ **

**_Beep…._ **

**_Beep…._ **   
  


I can’t decide which was more annoying, the dripping or the beeping.    
  
Both are much too noisy for my sensitive ears.    
  
I bring my head back to the original position it was in.    
  
Who knew moving that small amount would tire me out.    
My head swims, a headache forming in the middle of my forehead.    
  
I close my eyes fully once more. The headache abates after a few seconds, minutes, hours?    
  
I lose myself in a sea of nothingness.    
  
Everything fades away. It is just me floating on a vast ocean.    
  
The waves gently sway me left and right.    
  
I fade into the darkness, becoming one with the water.    
  
As I float this way and that I try to recover a memory. Any memory.    
  
No memories come forth and if they do they are gone within seconds and I am left grasping after it.    
  
Questions run rampant in my mind.    
  
_ Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound?  _ _   
_   
The questions are fast paced. Over and over they echo in the vast emptiness.    
  
_ Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound? Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound? Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound? Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound? Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound? Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound? Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound? Where am I? Why am I here? Who brought me here? Are they still here? Am I alone? What is that dripping sound?  _ _   
_ _   
_ I want to scream but my body is frozen, my voice stuck in my throat.    
  
I am afraid.    
  
_ SOMEONE HELP ME! _ _   
_ _ PLEASE ANYONE HELP! _ _   
_ No one comes.    
  
**_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** The beeping drowns out my thoughts. They take over my senses. The beeping is frantic.    
The calm ocean turns monstrous. The gently sway of the waves turn violent. Thunder booms and lightning strikes above my head. Rain pours from the sky.   
I can finally see where I am.    
What I see is terrifying.    
**_Blood_ ** .    
I am surrounded by and covered in blood.   
Panic. I try to scream but nothing comes out.    
Fear grips my heart. I try to lift myself out of the sea of blood but my body does not cooperate. My body tenses up and freezes.    
As I struggle to get my body to move, tentacles slowly rise out of the red ocean and take ahold of my limbs.   
They grab my tightly.    
So tightly.    
  
Pain rips through my body.    
I pray. I beg to whatever god that is listening to help me; to save me from this hell.    
They leave me to flounder.    
  
Lightning flashes, images of people stuck in each flash.    
  


**FLASH**

Two men smiling into a camera.   
**FLASH**

Two men laughing over coffee.    
**FLASH**

Two men arguing and throwing dishes.

**FLASH**

Two men holding hands, rings flashing in the light.    
**FLASH**

Two men sitting tensely at a table.    
**FLASH**

Both men are in bed one on top of the other.    
**FLASH**

Both men on the couch cuddling, hands connected on the brown hair one's stomach.    
**FLASH**

The men holding each other in the rain.    
**FLASH**

Two men surrounded by people.    
**FLASH**

Two men holding guns at each other.   
**FLASH**   
  
Thunder rumbles loudly, voices in each boom.   
  


**BOOM**

_ “That’s what couples do.” _

**BOOM**

_ “This is your fault.” _

**BOOM**

_ “Will you move in with me?” _ _   
_ **BOOM**

_ “I HATE YOU!” _ _   
_ **BOOM**

_ “BURN IN HELL!” _ _   
_ **BOOM**

_ “I love you.” _ _   
_ **BOOM**

_ “Don’t leave me. Don’t ever leave me.” _ _   
_ **BOOM**

_ “I need you and you need me too.”  _ _   
_ **BOOM**

“Marry me?”   
**BOOM**

_ Love me? _ _   
_ **BOOM**

_ ”Stay with me ...please.” _ _   
_ **BOOM**

_”Oh god what have I done?”_ _  
_ **BOOM**  
  
Tears pour from my eyes.   
I fight with all my might to free myself of the tentacles. I kick and punch and wiggle about in hopes that it’ll drop me.   
  
Instead they tighten harder around me.   
  
I am frightened.   
  
The tentacles begin to pull me down.   
First my legs disappear in the blood, then my chest, soon my face is halfway submerged when the beeping sound comes back again. It gets louder and louder.   
  
**_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._** ** _  
_** ** _Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._** ** _  
_** ** _Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._** ** _  
_** ** _Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._** ** _  
_**  
 _What is that, why is it so loud, why is it beeping so fast, will someone help me, can someone save me?_   
  
I hear something moving around me. A feel a touch on my body. A voice breaks through my thoughts. I can only understand some of the words.  
  
“It’s ok...”  
  
“Breathe...”   
  
“I’m here..”  
  
“Listen to my voice...”  
  
The tentacles release me from their deadly grasp.  
My body unfreezes and I am able to move.   
  
The storm dies out, the thunder and lightning disappear. The blood clears and turns into the water I thought it was in the beginning. The violent waves return to their gentle sway. The fast falling rain slows down before stopping all together.   
  
“That’s it...”  
“You’re so good for m...”  
“Just relax...”   
“Just breathe...”  
“You are safe now...”  
  
The beeping slows down and eventually disappears .   
  
All I can hear is the mumbling of the mysterious voice. The voice sounds familiar but I can’t place my finger on why. I trust the voice though.   
  
Seconds, minutes, hours, days later the voice fades away.   
  
It is just me once again.   
  
Instead of being lost to the questions in my mind I force myself to focus on sounds in the distance.   
  
There is water dripping somewhere to my right. I cannot see it, the darkness returning as soon as the lightning disappeared.   
  
I focus on the dripping.  
  
 _Drip, inhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, exhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, inhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, exhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, inhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, exhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, inhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, exhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, inhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, exhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, inhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
_ _Drip, exhale_ _  
_ _One two three_ _  
  
_

My breathing deepens, my heart slows down.    
  
I am calmer than I have been in who knows how long.    
  
My mind goes blank nothing but the dripping sound to  sooth my frazzled nerves.    
  
Some time later I come to my senses.    
  
I am being watched.    
I don’t know how I know but something tells me there are eyes upon my body.    
  
_ Is it my savior? The one who calmed the storm inside me? Is it my God?  _ _   
_ _   
_ The dripping sound comforts me and I fall back into darkness, safe with the knowledge my God is watching over me, protecting me.   
  


_ Drip, inhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, exhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, inhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, exhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, inhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, exhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, inhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, exhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, inhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, exhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, inhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_ _ Drip, exhale _ _   
_ _ One two three _ _   
_   
When I awaken once more I feel a gentle pressure on my arm.    
The pressure slides up and down, left and right in senseless patterns. The familiar voice mumbles words to me. The words are unrecognizable but I don’t find it in me to care. The voice itself is comforting, it is soothing, it is perfect.    
  
The pressure leaves, the voice stops and I slip away.    
  
I don’t know how many times I came into awareness with the the familiar voice, pressure, or dripping to greet me.    
  
Four times, five times, one hundred times, I can’t keep track. Time is an illusion in this place.    
All I am certain of is  that I’ve been floating for ages and the only thing keeping me grounded is the voice and the dripping sound.    
  
This time when I awake, I have more energy.    
The voice comes into focus. It’s a man’s voice.    
  
The pressure is on my stomach this time. The pressure is rubbing circles on my chest, my bare chest.    
  
_ Am I naked?  _ _   
_   
I force my thoughts away from the pleasurable feeling he is causing and focus on his words.    
  
“This is all my fault. I shot you. Oh my god I can’t believe I shot you. I had to though. There was no way out of the situation. I love you though. I love you so much. Please wake up... please, please,  please, wake up. I need you. I need you so much. Fuck please come back to me. I love you. We can make this work, make us work. I can’t lose you. Please...”    
The pressure (his hand I realize) stops above my heart.   
  
“I love you.”   
  
The bed I am laying on shifts as he moves.  There is a slight pressure on my forehead. A kiss. He kissed my head.    
  
He kisses my left check then my right, my chin, and then finally my lips.    
  
He lingers there for a moment.    
  
He sighs against my lips.    
  
“You are my world. Please wake up soon.”    
  
His lips leave mine.    
  
The bed shifts and the weight that was on it leaves.    
  
I open my eyes slowly.   
  
I blink in the brightness. Luckily the light is dim enough to where it doesn’t take long for my eyes to adjust.    
  
I look around the room vaguely recalling the first time I opened my eyes.    
The room was small. There were no windows. One door to the left side, closed and probably locked. A small old T.v. In the corner, it was on and showing the news, no sound leaves the stereos.    
To my right there is an I.V. The long tube trailing down and connecting by needle to my arm.    
A soft dripping sound coming from it.    
  
Above my head is a heart monitor. An annoying beeping sound coming from it. My heart beat steady and strong.    
A quick glance at my body confirms I am in fact naked.    
Finally my eyes turn and see the back of a man sitting at the foot of the bed.    
  
He is preparing something.    
  
I groan lowly.    
  
His body freezes pausing in his activity before relaxing and continuing on.    
  
I groan louder.    
  
He ignores me.    
  
I sigh.    
  
“He..” My throat burns. I fall into a coughing fit.    
  
I hear things fall to the ground.    
  
The man is suddenly there holding me as I struggle to breathe. He holds a cup to my lips and slowly pours cool liquid into my mouth.    
  
“Shhhhh. It’s ok. That’s it.  I got you. You’re ok. I’m here.”    
  
When he thinks I’ve had enough he take the cup away and places it on the table.    
  
He tries to get off the bed again but I grab him weakly but quickly grab him by the wrist.    
  
“..Hello...” I gasp out weakly. My voice is rough too my own ears. I wonder what he hears.   
  
His face is priceless. I would have laughed if I wasn’t so scared to fall into a coughing fit again.    
  
“You’re... you’re awake?”    
  
I nod while staring at him, taking in his features.    
  
We stare at each other. Both of us frozen in the moment.    
  
Eventually I struggle to sit up.    
Full pain runs through my chest causing me to gasp out.    
  
Seeing my anguish he jumps into action and wraps his arms around me and carefully pulls me up to a sitting position.    
  
Once I am settled in a better position, he sits side ways on the bed and stares at me. He gently puts his hand on cheek and rubs it with his thumb.    
  
“You’re away. I can’t believe you’re awake!” A smile graces his lips. It looks painful if I’m being honest.    
  
His smile drops when I don’t reciprocate his smile.    
  
We sit in awkward silence.    
  
“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” He jokes half heartedly a forced smile on his lips.    
  
I say nothing and stare.    
He stares back at me.    
  
Finally I open my mouth and ask the question that’s been plaguing me this whole time.    
  
“Who... who...” a coughing fit takes over, although not as long as the first time.    
  
He quickly moves into action, rubbing my back and talking quietly to me.    
  
He leans over and grabs the cup of water and brings it to my lips.    
  
I sip from it. I bring my arm up to push his hand away when I have had enough.  I take a moment to recollect myself and then ask...   
  
_ “Who are you?”  _ _   
_   
  
  



	2. Who Are You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t remember me?” He says quietly. I have to strain my ears to catch what he says. 
> 
> “How can you not remember me?” 
> 
> His eyes get watery. 
> 
> His voice shakes. 
> 
> “You don’t remember us. You don’t remember the times we’ve had?”

The man freezes in his spot.    
  
He stares at me for an undetermined amount of time.    
  
“You don’t remember me?” He says quietly. I have to strain my ears to catch what he says.    
  
“How can you not remember me?”    
  
His eyes get watery.    
  
His voice shakes.    
  
“You don’t remember us. You don’t remember the times we’ve had, the things we’ve been through?”    
  
“I...uh...no?” I say.    
  
“Do you remember who you are?”    
  
“Yes...I am...”   
As I try to finish my sentence the man gets visibly upset. He gets off the bed and walks towards the door.    
He unlocks the door and leaves.    
  
I can do nothing but watch him go.    
  
I want to panic at the thought of being left behind but that requires energy I don’t have so instead I lean back and make myself as comfortable as I can without moving to much.   
  
My chest aches with each small movement.    
I glance down and look at my body. I am almost completely naked. I’m not sure how I missed them but bandages cover my left side.    
  
The feeling of suffocation ensnares me. I can hardly breathe.    
  
As much as I want to ignore the feeling I can’t.    
  
It’s intense. Way too intense.    
I hate it.    
I hate this feeling.    
  
It feels like a rock is sitting on my chest. Crushing me, hurting me, killing me .    
  
It’s unbearable.    
  
My body overheats.    
  
I feel hot and sticky.    
A bead of sweat runs down my forehead. It tickles just a bit but I don’t, I can’t remove it because I know that if I try to move the pain I’m already feeling will grow.    
  
I let it continue its journey down my face.    
  
_ What the hell happened to me?  _   
  
At some point during my musing and dealing with my pain, I close my eyes. I try to focus on breathing, to relax.    
  
**In and out.**   
  
I drift off in an uncomfortable slumber.    
  
Seconds, minutes, hours later I come to with the sound of music softly playing.    
  
I am in the same position I fell asleep in.    
  
The only difference is the ache in my chest is harsher. It burns, badly.    
  
I gasp in pain. My body tenses.    
  
Pain.    
  
Unbearable pain.    
  
I can’t breathe.    
  
My stomach lurches. The feeling of nausea taking over quickly.    
  
My body rejecting the absolute nothing  in my stomach.   
  
I heave as if to throw up but of course nothing comes up.    
  
Instead it causes the pain to intensify tenfold.    
  
I can’t move.    
  
I can’t think. A headache blooming quickly behind my eyes. A pressure crushing my head.    
  
It hurts, fuck does it hurt.    
  
I don’t want to deal with this pain.    
  
I can’t deal with this pain!    
  
It hurts to much.    
  
I groan, whether it’s in my head or aloud I don’t know .    
  
All I can do is feel.    
  
I feel the burning sensation in my chest. I can feel the rapid beat of my heart.    
  
I can feel the tears prickling my eyes.    
  
I can feel myself trying to gasp for breathe.    
  
I can feel the fear uncoiling itself and wrapping around me, grabbing me, pulling me down.    
  
Flashbacks of the horrifying tentacles dragging me down fly threw my frantic thoughts.    
  
I grip the sheets at my sides in hope that it wi ground me and make the pain more bearable, it does not.    
  
I can feel myself drowning.    
  
I can vaguely hear the heart monitor pick up it’s pace. The beeping sound increasing.    
  
A blurry figure runs to my side.    
  
I don’t know what it does but eventually my body calms down. The tension leaves my body, my heart beat slows down, my hands release the death grip on the sheets, the fear disappears and I’m left feeling numb.    
  
My eyes feel heavy but I refuse to close them and succumb to the blissful darkness.    
  
Instead I force my head to the now clear figure.    
  
It was the man from before. The man who left when I told him I didn’t know who he was.    
  
I try to speak but my mouth feels numb. My tongue heavy.    
  
He just looks sadly at me and places his hand on my face and rubs his thumb on my cheek.    
  
I can’t feel it.    
  
**_“My name is Lucifer and you were... you are my fiancé.”_ **   



End file.
